Deb's thoughts

St. Louis, Mo. (The Weekly Vice) -- John A. Bender, a 61 year old computer teacher at Gateway Elementary School in St. Louis has been arrested for Statutory Sodomy and Child Molestation amid allegations that he sexually assaulted a student in a school closet near his classroom. According to authorities, Bender had inappropriate physical contact with a then - 12 year old female student who attended the school. Police say Bender's alleged activities occurred back in September of 2007. Police first became aware of the alleged behavior when the child reported the incident to authorities. But that's not where the case ends. Police have also charged Richard Sirna, the school's principal, in the case. He faces one charge for failing to report the matter to proper authorities. School officials who receive information about suspected abuse or neglect are required by law to report the information to social services. According to police, the alleged activity was reported to Sirna, who allegedly did nothing. Bender has been placed on paid suspension since the district learned of the allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior last November, said district spokeswoman Deborah Sistrunk. Bender has been ordered held on 100,000 bond, pending his next hearing. The principal is expected to appear in court for his next hearing on May 15th.

Update:

Richard Sirna, 60, of Florissant was found guilty in St. Louis Circuit Court on charges of failure to report child abuse or neglect by a school official. 

According to court records the child was 10, not 12 as first reported and John Bender is charged with first-degree statutory sodomy and felony child molestation.


I know both these men, my sister dated John Bender and I am ashamed to say she is the reason for his divorce.  Sirna and John are best friends which is why, I believe,  he did not report this. 

I looked everywhere on this site and did not see this story, I do not understand why. 

What would you do?  Would you report your friend?

Richard Sirna was wrong as far as I am concerned, not only because he is a mandated reporter, but because a young girl was involved in this.  It doesn't matter if it is true or not, it should have been reported and investigated.  Are there any other children?  What about other teachers?  I know for a fact that Richard Sirna allowed certain teachers to get away with things that other schools or the school system itself did not allow.  My sister taught there for about 6 years, and was part of this  "in" crowd.

What do you think?

Obama says family is off limits, McCain said he knew Palin's daughter was pregnant.  Most people agree it is a non issue so why is the MEDIA making such an issue of it? 

TO ALL NEWS MEDIA:  LEAVE IT ALONE, MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.  THIS IS NO LONGER A NEWS STORY.

Monday will be the first day of class for St. Louis Public Schools. Sunday, district leaders visited a dozen churches in the city to rally the community to help students get to school.

"Many of the countries we compete against, the kids go to school 5-and-a-half days a week," Interim Superintendent Dr. John Wright told the congregation at Greater Mt. Carmel Baptist Church. "They have a longer school year. Most of them speak multiple languages."

The above was taken from an article on another news site.

My question is:  Would these same churches be allowed to show up the first day of school and stand on the steps or in the lobby and pray for the students, teachers and administrators?

The St. Louis Public Schools have done this for at least the last 4 years.  Usually it is a predominantly black church although they did go to a Vietnamese church last year.

 

I guess my problem with this is the fact that religion is so taken out of the schools, I mean we have "Winter Break", Spring Break" instead of Christmas or Easter Breaks. Kids can't sing Christmas Hymns, only Holiday songs.

If we have removed every mention of religion from our schools, what gives the State the right to go into a church?

I am not a member of any of the churches involved in this; but I believe that laws are for the same for everyone.  If the law says that my child/church can not pray in school, than the school should not be allowed in church.

I honestly don't know if I should put this under "NEWS"  or "POLITICS", I guess I'll go with news.

What are your feelings about this?

A St. Louis County lawmaker, who'd pushed for tougher punishment for sex offenders, is now accused of being a sex offender, himself. State Representative Scott Muschany was indicted in Cole County Wednesday.

The indictment accuses him of having "sexually deviant intercourse" with a minor on May 17, 2008. 

He said the married father of two and his wife had also been foster parents. "They're as good of people as you know.  They've been fabulous, pillars...from fostering little babies to working hard in the church.  It's a shock.  We're all stunned."    

The above was taken from the FOX 2 story on Mr. Muschany.  

I heard a lot of people talking about how much he loved children, he and his wife were foster parents, he was active in church, in the school.  I don't know this man, I don't know the whole story, but I do know this:

Pedophiles (if he did this, he deserves this label), want to be around children,  they are the people who every one says "oh, I can't believe this, he loves children so much"  "He was so active in the church youth group"  or " He was always doing something with the kids" 
Well, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also know this:

  Any woman with children of any age should NOT bring the man they are dating around the children until they have been dating for at least 6 months or more.  I will never understand why women meet a man and the next day or week, this man is in their house, and being left alone with their children.   
Don't bring them around your children for lots of reasons:  you REALLY don't know them,  children attach easily, what happens 3 weeks later when you decide you don't want to see this guy any more? 
Do YOU know his temper? What happens when the child does something and this man gets angry?  How many times when children are abused the abuser is the mother's boyfriend?
What are your children learning when in the course of 1 year you have brought 10 different men into the house?  There isn't anything wrong with dating, just realize what your children are seeing,  the mother of this teenage girl taught her daughter that it is ok to date a married man, I am sorry this happened to this young lady and I am not blaming any one except Mr Muschany, but why was he allowed to be alone with her? 

Teenage girls are learning how to be women, they will do what they see.  Please, if you are a single parent and dating, keep your personal life separate from your family life, at least until you really know the person you are dating.

Children watch what you do much more than they listen to what you say,.

St. Charles County — A nanny should get seven years in prison — the maximum sentence — for assaulting a 4-month-old St. Peters boy, a jury recommended Tuesday. The same jury of seven women and five men who found Rebecca L. Harris guilty on Monday decided unanimously to recommend the sentence. Harris, 22, of O'Fallon, Mo., hit the baby's head against a wall causing severe injuries, authorities said. late Tuesday afternoon.

The above paragraph was taken from a story in the St. Louis Post Dispatch written by Shane Anthony

What do you think of the sentence? Do you think it was enough?

It hurts my heart to hear these stories.  I have cared for children abused in this way I know the pain, anger, and hurt it causes the people that love this child.

I also know the frustration a screaming, crying baby can cause.  I understand how someone can reach this point. I will never understand the abuse that is thought about or planned, but this, this impulsive, frustration driven abuse, I do understand.  I think any parent that is completely honest with themselves can understand it also. 

I'm going to tell you a story, one that took years for me to tell anyone.  
When my first child was about 8 months old, my husband and I were in Ft. Hood, Texas. (This was back in 1972 ) He was in the army. This was my first child, I was young, far away from home, we had just moved into the neighborhood, I didn't know anyone.   My husband had to go "in the field" in other words, he went to play war for 3 days. During these 3 days, short of a death in the family he could not be contacted. When he left, Jason had a cold.  Later that day, Jason got really sick and I took him into the hospital. He had pneumonia.  For 3 days, I rocked, gave medicine, held, rocked, gave medicine, he was so sick, we did not sleep, he couldn't take a bottle, (His nose was all stuffed up and he was coughing so bad).  I even held him while going to the bathroom! If you put him down, he coughed more and had problems breathing. (Now I know he should have been in the hospital!). All that kept me going was knowing that my husband would be home soon and then I could get some sleep.  I was ok with the baby, I knew I was the only one that could take care of him.  I kept counting the hours till my husband came home.
The morning he was due home, I had not slept in 3 days, other than a catnap in the rocking chair .  The medicine was starting to take effect and Jason was breathing better and his cough was starting to sound different.  He fell asleep just as my husband was pulling into the drive way.  I laid him on the couch and opened the door for my husband. My wonderful husband that had NO idea how sick Jason was, walked in the door, put his gear down, kissed me on the cheek and said "I'm tired, I'm going to bed, wake me up in a couple of hours" and walked into the bedroom!
The next part of this story is what I have vivid memories of, but understand it did not happen I can not explain why I have such vivid memories of something that did not happen, but this is what I remember.
I remember watching my husband walk into the other room, I remember Jason crying, I remember picking him up and throwing him into the wall. I remember the blood on the wall, I remember Jason falling back down on the couch.  I can see this as well as I can see my hands typing this. 
What my husband told me I really did was follow him into the bedroom and in a very calm quiet voice I told him that Jason had been sick, and if he didn't get up and take care of Jason, I was going to hurt my child.  My husband said I explained Jason's medication schedule, how I was trying to get food or liquids into him, not to give him milk, my husband said he put me into the shower and then into bed. I slept 24 hours.  I do not remember any of this.  I remember throwing my son into the wall. I remember waking up thinking I had killed my son.
This memory scared me to death. It terrified me to think I was capable of doing something like this.  I vowed I would never let myself get frustrated with my child again. I started time out years before anyone else.  I learned I needed about 15 minutes.  I learned to put Jason in his crib, or in his room, and walk away, take a quick shower, go out on the front porch,   It was kind of funny really, cause by the time he was 2, all I had to do was raise my voice a bit and he would point at me and say "time".  Time out was always for ME, it was never because he was bad, only because I was getting angry or frustrated. I used to tell him, "I need time, Jas" and he would go play in his room for a bit. 

I ended up having 2 more children and used "time" for me with each child.  Trust me, my oldest daughter gave me more "time outs" than you could every imagine!

It took me years to realize that I did not hurt my child. That by the grace of God, I had not walked toward my child, but into the other room. It took me years to realize that there was something inside of me that kept me from hurting my child.  To this day, I have no explanation for this memory, it is still so vivid, so real, but so false.  

This is why I can understand that moment of frustration, babying screaming, you're mad cause you are left alone, money issues, scared cause you can't figure out what's wrong, and you lose it.  And the child is hurt.  I understand it, because in my mind I came that close. 

Every time I hear stories like this it brings back this "memory".  Will prison help her? Probably not.  Is the sentence long enough? Honestly, I don't know. 

I wish we could teach all parents, all babysitters, anyone caring for children to walk away, lay the baby down in the crib, put the child in his room, some place they are safe and go outside, go into the bathroom and scream, take a quick shower  - get YOURSELF under control. You can not control a baby, you can not  MAKE  a baby stop crying,  The baby doesn't understand your words any more that you would understand someone screaming at you in Chinese!

I guess I just needed to get this out of my system this morning,  thanks for listening.

If you saw a crime being committed would you get involved?  If you saw a child that looked lost would you help?  If you saw a child being carried out of the store, screaming and kicking, and yelling for help would you get involved? If you saw a woman, or a child being beaten, would you get involved?

With everything that is going on these days, the shootings every night, the girl being shot over a purse,  the robberies, etc. one thing I keep hearing is that people are afraid.  The kids that know something don't want to be considered a snitch, the adults are afraid of retaliation.

If I saw  someone caring a screaming kicking child out of the store, I would stop them,. I can say this with certainty, because I have. I was at Target, I have kids, I know the temper tantrums they can pull, but something didn't seem right about this.  The child was about 4,   I watched the man carrying him walk out to the parking lot, this child not only seemed very angry, he seemed scared,   A police car pulled into Target and I told the cop what I saw and how the child was screaming and why I felt it was just more than a temper tantrum.  He stopped the man.  Fortunately I was wrong, it was the child's father, the child was autistic, and had been overwhelmed by the crowd and noises  in Target. I'm glad I was wrong, I'm sorry I embarrassed the father, I'm also glad I got involved, what if I had been right?

When my son was murdered, the kid that shot him was caught 3 days later because the people in the neighborhood got involved.  The detective handling the case said 3 different people told him who shot my son.  I will forever be grateful to them.

I think we are giving these criminals power.  They know people are afraid to get involved, so they don't care.  It's like the bully in the playground, he scared everyone until someone stood up to him.  We can not turn our heads, we can no longer be quiet, when we know something.  We have to stop giving them power.  The Nazi's got into power because people kept quiet.

When I was a kid, I knew I had to behave no matter where I went, someone in my neighborhood knew my mother, or one of my aunts, she had 6 sisters and had grown up in the same neighborhood. I had the same 6th grade teacher as my mom and 3 of her sisters.  That kept me out of soooooooo much trouble!!   It is my theory, or my opinion that if the criminals knew that someone was going to turn them in, that the people in the neighborhood were going to get involved, it would stop a lot of this.

I realize how stupid it would be to physically attempt to stop someone with a gun, but we can call the police.  If we know something about a crime that has been committed we can tell, anonymously if necessary. but we have to tell.

I guess I got started on this because of the young girl that was shot over a purse.  Her father is asking for people to come forward if they know something.  Someone does, this person probably bragged to his friends about what he did. 

These shootings in North St. Louis, the people in the neighborhood have some idea of who is responsible for this. I'm not blaming anyone, I know they are scared, or maybe they think it won't do any good.  I'm just asking people to get involved. 


Little Dabion Green, the 6 yr old (I think he just turned 7) is being told he's a hero, and he is - because he did something that most adults won't do.  He told the police who broke into his house. He did the right thing even if he was scared.  I'm proud of him.  We all need to take a lesson from this young man.  I hope he continues to do the right things and I think he will, sounds like he has good parents. 
                               
We have to stop letting them bully us.

I just read an article on another site that Children's Hospital is going to be offering confidential HIV testing to anyone 15 and older that is seen in the emergency room.  The parent will be asked to leave the room, a pamphlet will be offered to the teen explaining the procedure.  If the teenager agrees a mouth swab will be taken and results given in 20 minutes.  If the results are positive a blood test will be done to confirm the results.

According to one of the doctors they are seeing teenagers in this age group with HIV on the average of  one or two a month. 

There is a group in Washington D.C. that is very angry about this.  They are saying it violates the rights of the parents.

I did not see the article here, and didn't feel comfortable doing the copy and paste thing, not sure about copyrights.

Personally, HIV kills and while we all want to think our teenagers tell us everything and we KNOW they are not having sex - that is not reality.  I know a teenager will tell a doctor or someone else something they are scared to tell their parents, I know this, I was a teenager and I raised 3 of them. If it saves my child's life or gets the message to my child that HIV can happen to them.  I'm all for it. Teenagers seem to think they are invincible.

When I was growing up the worse thing that could happen was that the girl would get a bad reputation. Believe me, back then that was a terrible thing,  To be considered a "bad" girl or a girl that was "fast" was horrible.  Yes, we had sexually transmitted diseases but they didn't kill you.  I used to tell my kids that now days it isn't a matter of reputation, it is your life.  You can die from this.

Anyway, enough about how I feel   What do you think about this decision? How would you feel about your teenager being tested?

Lee Nixon was murdered this morning at a club in Washington Park IL.

I don't know why I couldn't find the story on here, it is on other channels and in the St. Louis American.

My prayers for his family, he will be dearly missed.