byusucks's Blog

I got this email from a friend and thought about sharing it..... so here it is lol

Oregon State: Loss.

It sounds all sexy and cool to open at a PAC 10 team with the hope of pulling out the upset and upsetting the pulling outs (cue MPfunk birth control joke). However, I don't think the Utah D is good enough to win this game, due to the uh, speed challenged nature of the players in the middle of the Utah defense - Steve Tate, Joe TahitianNoni, Kyle Brady, Malaki Mokofisi - not the swiftest group of guys to ever don the crimson and white. However, the annual Shrewsbury Rennaisance Faire is the next weekend in Corvallis, so we could just hang around after the loss to soothe our pains with lusty wenches and thick meade. Although I think I'd prefer thick wenches and lusty meade. Whatever.

Air Force: Win.

Other than the time that Utah gave up a 25 point lead in the second half after Arnold Parker put on the "Take Me Deep" jersey, and the time that Lance Rice did his patriotic duty by insuring the loss by running out the clock down two on the two, when has Utah ever lost to Air Force? I just have a tough time fearing Air Force this year, due to the loss of the wishbone and the loss of the coach who is the finest Evangelical Foghorn Leghorn I've ever known.

UCLA: Loss.

See: Oregon State. These Bruins are fast sonsab****es. On the positive side for the Mighty Utes, UCLA has cursive on their helmets. BWAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!

Special Note: At this point, fans begin to call for Andy Ludwig's job and my father burns an effigy of Whittingham in his front yard. Then he's forced to move, again.

UNLV: Win.

UNLV sucks. Bad. If sucking at football were body odor, UNLV would be Burning Man.

Utah State: Win.

If UNLV sucks, Utah State has the capability of sucking so badly that they will create a vortex of suckiness that threatens to engulf the entire state of Utah from Bear Lake to, perhaps, Levan.

Louisville: Loss.

If Matt Asiata is not made of porceline, contrary to early returns , I believe this will be a doozy. However, tough game on the road against a team that has all of the football tradition of Louisville and the mighty Big East conference, and that includes Connecticut, Cincinnati, and South Freakin' Florida. If these Big East powerhouses don't deserve the "BCS" label, I don't know who does. Last time the Utes played the champion from this fearsome group of powerhouses, they ended up wearing a Pitt Panthers a**hat. Not this time with Louisville.

San Diego State: Win.

Chuck Long can bite the big one, as far as I'm concerned. This game will be closer than most Ute fans anticipate (at 3-3, we'll start to hear loud complaining from the 10 win season crowd), and Andy Ludwig will have to evacuate his position in the Press Box under a hailstorm of urine bombs and, perhaps, dentures.

TCU: Loss.

I really dislike TCU's colors, but their coach is Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, and their team defense is based on the concept of illegal punch behinds. How do you compete with that?

CSU: Loss.

I really don't think the Rams like us much, and I can't really blame them. We do have a stadium that doesn't also host rodeos, and has actual metal benches. I think this is the mid-season swoon we've all grown accustomed to enjoying, and I also think Sonny Lubick sounds like a first grade teacher when he talks.

Wyoming: Win.

Wyoming has one cool fan, and he married a hippy and is so addicted to Internet porn that his family is planning an intervention and, perhaps, attaching an electric collar to his genitalia. That would be a small collar, but you catch my drift. Any team whose fanbase boasts this fan as their numero uno is going to get worked repeatedly by the Mighty Utes. Plus, their quarterback's name looks and sounds like a member of a boy band.

Special Note: Despite the win, fans surrounding me in W13 scream at the top of their lungs for the dismissal of Kyle Whittingham each and every time a Utah player has the audacity to be tackled. And heaven help us all if there's a false start at some point in this game.

New Mexico: Win.

If I ever walk into a public restroom, and Rocky Long is standing at one of the urinals, I am going to give him a big old texas five star right on the left cheek. As I've stated previously, I feel the same way about New Mexico as I felt about New Coke - BIG mistake.

Special Note: The Halftime Show is the entire Utah Fanbase grabbing torches and pitchforks and storming the pressbox, removing Andy Ludwig's left testicle, and parading it around campus on a pike.

BYU: Win.

In accordance with the foreknowledge of Bryan Kehl, I'm positive Utah won't score more than twice on BYU. So we may have to win this game, oh, I don't know, 3-0. Not sure how that could possibly happen at Lavell Edwards Stadium. It seems impossible, due to BYU's tradition and Fui LittleCow's dance moves after a gain of 1 on 2nd and 12, but I guess we'll just have to cling to hope.

So there it is, 7-5. Although, based on my track record, I wouldn't at all be surprised at 5-7, with every single game's outcome the opposite of what I'm predicting.

So, if u havent heard yet the Jordan Beetdiggers are the State Champs in Baseball, and Soccer!!!!!!! Yah go beetdiggers!!!

This is going to be really hard. What are your top 5 favorite songs? My top favorite songs change almost every week so here they are for this week:

#1. Fergie Ft. Ludacris -- Glamorous

#2. Chamillionaire --  Not A Criminal Remix

#3. Baby Boy Da Prince -- The Way I Live

#4. Ti -- Top Back

#5. Akon -- Don't Matter

Don't ya just hate it when a song gets stuck in your head for a long time! I have had " The way i live" by Baby Boy Da Prince stuck in my head for the past 5 days. It is like anything i do anywhere i go, i sing it. I can't stand it anymore. Anybody know any tips on how to get it out of my head?

Who do you think will win the NCAA Tournament?

• UCLA
• Ohio State
• Georgetown
• Florida

I have my money on Ohio State!!

WATERVILLE, Maine - Never underestimate a mouse’s determination.There’s a mouse in Bill Exner’s house that he says he has captured three times. Each time, the mouse escaped, and the last time the rodent made off with his lower dentures.Exner, 68, said he and his wife Shirley scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his night stand.“We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the night stand and tore the closet apart,” he said. “I said, ‘I knew that little stinker stole my teeth’ — I just knew it.”They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter’s fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.“He brought a crowbar and hammer and he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything,” Exner said. “It was quite a job.”They retrieved the dentures, and Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find for to disinfect it.The mouse apparently isn’t done. It frequently comes out and stares at Exner, his wife said.“He’s taunting him — I swear he’s taunting him,” Shirley Exner said.

Don't get me wrong i like spring but i'm one of those people who suffer from allergies :(