baicas's Blog

I would have done what you did. If she's really a friend she will take it for what its worth and not ask you for money again, and still be your friend. If not she was never a real friend to begin with.

yup what rosie said

no way would i continue to help her she needs to find her own way in life

if she makes the same or more than you do then she knows that it can be done

I am learning so much about "enabling" bad habits. How will this person EVER learn to stop the bad habits if all they have to do is hold out their hand and get bailed out? Where is the catalyst for change? Why should they change when its all their friends who have the problem with their behavior? Not them! They do what they dang please and when they go too far SOMEONE else does without or feels the strain to bail them out. This person will never change as long as they are able to borrow and not even stress about repayment! Why should they? They have the buckets full of brand new clothes and YOUR money too. Come on. If this person was worried about your friendship they would never put you in the position of owing you money and not giving it back on a timely fashion! Thats not friendship. Sounds like to me "little Miss/Mister spoiled has found a way to have the cake and eat it too, only IT'S YOUR CAKE, not theirs! Bottom line? Unhealthy relationships be they friend or lover need tough love. If they aren't there for you unless your playing banker... well, guess thats not a real friend after all! Good luck!

i had a slightly similar situation and i told my good friend that i was looking over my bank account recently and it has reached an uncomfortably low level. I told him (he was unemployed at the time) that i couldnt pay for him at the bar and/or restaurants anymore. fortunately, he has the presence of mind to know that it isnt me, its him (and i have been more than generous with him, historically). he's now employed and actually bought ME and my fiancee dinner just the other night because he wanted to express his gratitude.
You can't live in fear of your friends' reactions. you have to be true to yourself and to your friends. if they cant handle the truth and take exception to it and your relationship fails due to your truthfulness, they were never your friend in the first place.
additionally, it sounds like your friend is literally a shopaholic, meaning she has a true addiction to buying new things. perhaps she needs to enroll in a support group or see a shrink to get help. IMO, shopaholism is the stupidest affliction ive ever heard of, but it exists nonetheless.
I would suggest she get a credit card. thats the way to borrow money. you HAVE to pay it back or you definitely pay the consequences.
i do not allow mooches into my life, and if i accidentally do, i request they pay their own way or i cut them loose. i am not a charity.
either way, you can kiss that $100 goodbye. consider it a permanent loan that you will never see again. just cut your losses and move on to more self-sufficient friends that won't sponge off you. dont let her problems become YOUR

Thanks for the comments, I am going to try and answer all in one post I hope. No, she doesn't have any family to borrow from, she lives with her diabled sister who more or less sponges off of her, cos, the sister only gets $500 a month in disabilty, between the two though they bring over $2,200 a month, out of which they pay rent, car payment, insurance and utility bills, groceries, etc...She doesn't have good credit,do to the fact she and her sister have run up bills over the years and never paid them off, neither have filed for bankruptcy like they should have years ago, so they continously get bills and try to pay them when they can.

I have tried to get her to clean my house the last time she borrowed, instead she found a way to bring me the money in a hurry to avoid extra work. She thinks I am the luckiest person in the world cos when I buy a ticket or go to the casino I usually come out a winner. I told her she makes her own luck in her life, she has to be more self sufficent and things will go her way more often than not.

I have also lectured her on doing without when you know your bank account is running low, and save for that rainy day that is always around the corner, but for some reason, she lives for today only, and to the heck with tomorrow. I believe part of this is because her parents (deceased now) where like that, and she always refers to them when something comes up. I have told her yes, they may have, but they also had the kids to rely on for back up. Someone always bailed them out of a mess, but she doesn't have any kids to bail her out, so s

Stop lending her the money, you don't get paid back. You are enabling her. Who's the sucker here? I don't need to step in poop twice to know that it stinks.Put your "big girl" panties on and tell her NO. If she is your friend, she will understand, if not, cut your losses and move on.