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RETIREMENT PLANNING 2008
Feb 8, 2008 | 2:54 PM PST
Category:
Entertainment
RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2008
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
$49.00 left
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling
REFUND, You would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
Go Invest! Beer, it's good for the economy, it's good for your mental
well-being and NOW, it's good for your retirement!
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
OLD FOUGGIES!!!!!
Jan 9, 2008 | 2:47 PM PST
Category:
Entertainment
This is sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1977 : Long hair
2007 : Longing for hair
1977 : KEG
2007: EKG
1977 : Acid rock
2007 : Acid reflux
1977 : Moving to California because it's cool
2007 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or
Liz Taylor
2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or
Liz Taylor
1977 : Seeds and stems
2007 : Roughage
1977 : Hoping for a BMW
2007: Hoping for a BM
1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
2007 : Receiving a new hip joint
1977 : Rolling Stones
2007: Kidney Stones
1977 : Screw the system
2007: Upgrade the system
1977 : Disco
2007: Costco
1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2007: Children begging you to get their heads
shaved
1977 : Passing the drivers' test
2007: Passing the vision test
1977 : Whatever
2007: Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this
will certainly change things.. Each year the staff at
Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to
try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across
the nation were born in 1989.
They are too young to remember the space
shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering! machine
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk
a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane."
LEAVE YOUR SIGN
Dec 13, 2007 | 1:43 PM PST
Category:
Entertainment
I AM A VIRGO- I POSTED ONE OF THESE A WHILE AGO BUT I JUST HAD TO DO THIS ONE BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES ME TO A TEE AND I CANT BELIEVE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS SO LEAVE YOUR SIGN ON HERE AND TELL US IF IT REALLY DESCRIBES YOU OR NOT...AND MAKE SURE YOU STUDY EVERYBODIES SIGN BECAUSE I FEEL CUTIEPOPS COMING UP WITH ANOTHER QUIZ FOR US ALL SOON AND I KNOW SHE IS GONNA TARGET THIS BLOG!!!! LOL... LOVE YA CUTIEPOPS!!!
Definition of 9 Words Women Use
1. Fine: This is a word a woman will use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have
just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping
around the house
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men.
A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why
she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can
say to a man. “That's okay” means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.
Just say you're welcome.
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying FU!
9. Don't worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do
several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking "What's wrong?"
For the woman's response refer to #3.
WHICH ONE ARE YOU????
Oct 26, 2007 | 3:22 PM PST
Category:
Entertainment
A • Q • U • A • R • I • U • S: the strongest
Trustworthy. Sexy. professional kissers. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic and funny. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Loves music. Not a Fighter, But will Knock the f**k out of u. The best and biggest freak in the bedroom Strong. Considered to be a "Spartan." The most intelligent. falls in love too easily. Doesn't show it but is easy to hurt.
S • A • G • I • T • T • A • R • I • U • S. THE SEXY ONE
Spontaneous. extremely aroused all the time. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Most caring person you will ever meet! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with you might end up crying.
V • I • R • G • O: The Lover
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bedroom. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget. Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness.Great kisser.
S • C • O • R • P • I • O: The Most Erotic
Can be mean sometimes, and will Probably knock your butt out, if crossed the wrong way!! EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring.
L • I • B • R • A: The sex addict
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing n Bedroom..!!! not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... the most irresistible. Rare 2 find. Funny. Talkative. Erotic. Smart. loves sports. gets what he/she wants. Loves to be in a relationship.
L • E • O: wild in bed
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Erotic. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bedroom. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships.=) Addictive. Loud. best in bedroom.
G • E • M • I • N • I:passionate
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the crap out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING.. Freak in Bedroom. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.
A•R•I•E••S:The Sexiest
Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at a lot. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Loyal.Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Great when found.
C • A • N • C • E • R: Most Amazing Kisser
Very high sex appeal. Great in bedroom!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bedroom. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
P • I • S • C • E • S: The Piece of ass
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, Very high SEX appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bedroom. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
C • A • P • R • I • C • O • R • N: THE BEST IN ...
Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible, awesome kisser.gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in bedroom. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports.Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart.
T • A • U • R • U • S: The Freak in ...
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ...u no!..... Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most sexiest people on earth!
CHECK THIS OUT EVERYONE...ITS REALLY WEIRD!!!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
HEY EVERYONE!!!
Oct 19, 2007 | 3:56 PM PST
Category:
Entertainment
IM JUST DROPPIN IN TO SAY HEY, AND MISS YA'LL. IVE BEEN DOING GOOD, AND WONDERING HOW YA.LL ARE DOING...WE NEED TO HAVE A BLOGGER COSTUME PARTY SOMEWHERE...GET OUR DRINK ON!!! ILL BE BACK BLOGGIN WITH YA'S IN A FEW DAYS..
MISS YA'LL
LUV...N...KISSES......YOUR ONE AND ONLY ...LILBIT (MUAH)
A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
"And blood was everywhere,"
"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
For death was in the air.
"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinned hands;
"She struggled to get free,"
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
"On where the back seat once had been,"
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
"She did not hear them cry, "
"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "
"Oh, God, don't let them die! "
Then firemen came and cut her loose, "
"But when they searched the back, "
"They found therein no little boys, "
But the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
"And was traveling alone, "
"But when they turned to question her, "
They discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
"In beseeching supplication, "
Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
"Their jeans are blue to match.""
"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "
And they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
"And gave them each a cone, "
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.
"I've searched the area high and low, "
But I can't find their dad.
"He must have fled the scene, "
"I guess, and that is very bad."
"The mother hugged the twins and said, "
"While wiping at a tear, "
"He could not flee the scene, you see, "
"For he's been dead a year."
"The cop just looked confused and asked, "
"Now, how can that be true? "
"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came "
"And left a kiss for you."" "
He told us not to worry
"And that you would be all right, "
And then he put us in this car with
"The pretty, flashing light. "
We wanted him to stay with us, "
"Because we miss him so, "
"But Mommy, he just hugged us tight "
And said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
"And told us not to fuss, "
"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "
"He's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
"That what they spoke was true, "
"For she recalled their dad's last words, " " I will watch over you."
The firemen's notes could not explain
The twisted, mangled car, "
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.
"But on the cop's report was scribed, "
"In print so very fine, "
An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.
***NOW THINKS ABOUT THAT!!!!!!~~~~~LOVE LILBIT
IF YOU COULD???
Aug 10, 2007 | 10:56 PM PST
