KittyKatz's LitterBox

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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.


One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. I may look like just an ordinary man, he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

I did what you told me.....

I sent the email to 10 people like you told me.....

I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen...

  The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.  

As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?' Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . ..

'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!'

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive...

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings,  and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally...but this  one is real , and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on  your e-mail list.
 
If someone comes to your front door saying they  are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes  off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

 
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.   I feel so stupid.

 A  dog is truly a man's best friend. 
 
If you don't believe it, just try this  experiment. 
 
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of  the car for an hour. 
 
When you open the trunk, who is really happy  to see you!?

And you think lawyers don't have hearts 

The best lawyer story of all time...bar none.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in
his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny
to charity.   Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?'

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge
medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'
 
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, ' did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that
has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry, I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

What a way to start the day!

There I was on my way to Wal-Mart... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... and then ... I rear-ended a car.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'

.........and that's when the fight started . .

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is e ating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

 One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

 The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back t o the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

 This dog is loving life.

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